First Class Flying

That's right. Your charming host purchased her first ever First Class Flying ticket for the ride back from Utah, breaking her life-long compulsion of never flying anything but the cheapest, most uncomfortable-est fare.

What happened actually was I didn't realize the ticket was first class because I used my Sky Miles or Sky Saver Miles or Delta Gift Miles or whatever they're called and I just picked the cheapest (lowest miles) option. I don't even think it said anything on there about first class, although I do recall having to pay $80 for fees or taxes or whatever, now that might have had something to do with it but how could I tell I ask you?

Anyway, my sis and fam wanted the full breakdown of what it's like to fly First Class.

Brace yourselves.

Well, this was my experience with La Great Delta.

1. I get a suspicious look from the check-in clerk who can't scan my ID because the license is behind plastic - in my clear-blue credit card pouch/wallet.

2. I am asked to remove my light jacket where I might be harboring something as dangerous as a toothpaste tube (but I wasn't.)

3. I am interrupted no less than six times when I'm in the Gate sitting area by an announcement from a trembly voice pleading with us that the flight has been overbooked by three passengers so if anyone would like to give up their seat they can take a later flight and get a free meal.

4. Since I am "Zone 1" I get to board early -- which means after a bunch of slow moving people with too much luggage ramble in front of me uttering a lot of confusing things about which Zone they've actually called.

5. I get the "Princess Seat" so dubbed by a cheerful passenger who tells the lady with him that if he'd known about it, he'd have bought it for her. The Princess Seat is the first seat on the left with the most leg room and no seats attached next to it. There are two windows placed inconveniently in the rear and front so that nary a view is to be had without a long stretch of the neck.

(Incidently the Princess Seat does have a good view of the area right in front of the cockpit, where to the side, only slightly shielded by the bathroom, my two flight attendants took what opportunities they could to play smoochie over the crackers.)

6. I am offered bottled water promptly after everyone is seated.

7. I am offered snacks before the poor squished people in coach who are unfortunately not shielded with even a curtain from viewing the Un-Democratic proceedings up front. They are not shielded with a curtain because the difference between first class and coach is very hard to detect with the naked eye anyways, and it may even be proclaimed - with a high degree of veracity - that on this flight, there was no First Class.

8. Since I'm closest to the door, I'm the first one off the flight!

Thus was my experience. I did not feel particularly pampered. I maintain my previous stance - it's not worth it to pay for First Class seats on short flights if coach is a lot cheaper.