I, Return.

Our company is hiring again. We have one position for circuit board manufacturing and quality control.

I am getting so tired of answering the phones.

There are so many dense people out there. Applying for this job.

Here are some tips:

If you can't navigate our phone system to get to me (it's simple, just listen and then press "0" for operator) - do not bother applying. You are not smart enough or patient enough for this job. The phone will ring through to me anyways and I will pick it up to a dead tone and I will not be happy.

If you ask me for the address or directions, have a frickin' pencil and paper ready when I start to give them to you. I know you are writing it down so I will speak slowly but it annoys the frickin' heck out of me to have to repeat the whole thing 5 frickin' times because you are still finding a paper and pen and then are so slow you can't compute what I'm saying even though it's a very simple, simple address. Just don't apply. You will not be smart enough to understand your training here.

Also, if you make me slow down to the speed of a kindergarten teacher - a la - if, you, make; if, you, make, me; make me; make me; if, you, make me slooow dow-- if --- I, F, SPACE, YOU, Y-0-U, SPACE, etc, I will most certainly NOT (that's N-O-T) recommend you to be hired here. That is if you can somehow manage to get yourself within the general vicinity of actually applying here.

When I tell you I'm not the one hiring the person for this position, believe me. When I tell you I don't know the salary particulars, I'm not lying and asking again in two or three different ways will only yield you - get this - the same answer.

When I try to set up an appointment for you to come in to apply, don't tell me you'll be in sometime this week. There are other people applying who have bothered making appointments so that we'll have enough room for everyone to sit and to take their test. And if you show up when there's no room for you or when I'm on my way to lunch well then. You'll just have to wait.

There really is no reason -- and I don't think I can emphasize this enough -- to call and *not* leave a message. Believe you me, our answering machine DOES work. Imagine that. I have no idea why you called at 9 PM last night and then left 9 messages of dial tones for me, but I do know this: if I knew who you were, and you actually apply here, you will NOT be chosen.